March 19, 2019
Democrats are having a debate about whether to nominate the most progressive candidate or the candidate with the best chance of beating Donald Trump. There is much trepidation that, once Trump unleashes his Twitter account and starts his name calling, all candidates are vulnerable. Biden is dumb, Beto waves his hands, and Elizabeth is Pocahontas. Here is a speech that I offer to all candidates once this starts. Hopefully, it will do for Trump what a stake in the heart does for Dracula.
“Mr. President, and I use that term out of respect for the office you hold and with total contempt for the person that holds it, you are a coward. You disgrace an office that has been held by true war heroes like George Washington, Ulysses S. Grant, Theodore Roosevelt, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, and George H. W. Bush. You criticize a naval officer, John McCain, who spent five years in a North Vietnamese prison. When your country called, your father found a doctor, who would fabricate bone spurs for you. The bone spurs did not prevent you from playing tennis and whoring around New York City. When it came time to honor the men and women who gave there lives in WW II, you relented because you were afraid that a light mist might ruin your hair. Under a constant barrage of media criticism, you finally made a quick and unimpactful trip to Iraq to visit the troops, your first and only trip to a war zone. When you had the chance to look Vladimir Putin in the eye and call him out for meddling in the 2016 election, you folded like a cheap suit. You could not stand up to neo-Nazis and white nationalists. You want to deploy the military to Pennsylvania Avenue for a parade and to the border to protect us from women and children, thinking that these actions will showcase your military mettle. Mr. President, we don’t need a wall. We need you on the wall. Until you are ready to stand up, stand down.”