April 23, 2026
Here are some sayings that I have fashioned over the years.
Life is like a pebble in a turbulent stream. It starts out rough, but smooths out over time.
It is what it is unless it isn’t.
Great minds think alike. Greater minds think independently.
When in doubt, go out. Even if there is no doubt, still go out.
Golf is a good life spoiled.
Don’t count on the hare stopping.
9. Shoot first and ask questions later is protected by the Second Amendment
It takes two plus a dance teacher to tango.
If two is company, and three is a crowd, what the hell is four?
It’s mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Greater fools have theories?
When the going gets tough, men still don’t ask for directions.
If records are made to be broken, what about iPods?
All that glitters is not gold, but I’ll still take the gold.
I think animal testing should be left up to local school boards.
Politics is too important to be left to people.
Going to the dogs? You should be so lucky.
Looking at a menu online is like learning the sex of your baby before birth.
If you flatulate with headphones on, does it make a sound?
Every time you fail, you are one step closer to slitting your wrists.
I am a Latin lover, but nobody understands me.
You can seize the day as long as you leave me the night.
Creativity is the dreams you remember.
Before getting a tattoo, go to a fine arts museum to see what art really looks like.
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of floutery.
Perfection takes way too much time.
It takes a lot of hard work to be a genius.
Never look at a menu until you have finished your first drink.
If it wasn’t for the weather, Florida would have no reason to exist.
The rules of golf are difficult to understand, but easy to ignore.
I was dreaming about blackjack so my wife hit me.
If you want a friend, get a friend. Don’t get a dog.
It’s almost impossible to be original and be on the internet.
I don’t have all the answers, but I do know most of the questions.
Mens sana in corpore insano.
Golf is like a bad marriage. It breaks your heart, and takes all your money.
I killed two birds with one stone, and got arrested.
If it’s so damn easy, why can’t I make a pie?
The acorn doesn’t fall far from the apple tree.
A rolling stoner gathers moss.
Step on my foot, and my mouth opens.
A bird in the hand is very messy.
I just got caught in the “likability” trap. It can be spelled two ways.
Photoshopped pictures are fauxtography.
Two lefts don’t make a right.
Outer space is over my head.
If the shoe fits, buy another pair.