Category: Humor

ProFa

June 10, 2020

Donald Trump has labeled antiFa a terrorist organization, and he has been supported by a chorus of politicians and commentators on the right. He said that the well-organized, anarchic antiFa terrorist cell infiltrated recent demonstrations around the country, maybe the world, causing mayhem and destruction. A 75 year old man in Buffalo was accused of being antiFa because he purposefully fell down and cracked his head while the police looked on. Like Trump, I am anti antiFa, which, if I understand mathematics, makes us ProFa.

I believe it is a good time to embrace our fascist instincts. Fascism is a tendency toward or actual exercise of strong autocratic or dictatorial control. Sounds good to me, especially being of Italian descent. We need a strong, “law and order” President to rein in peaceful protesters. His belligerent style has worked beautifully and strongly with China, North Korea, and Russia. I am proud to be pro Fascist. Now if Trump could only keep the trains running on time.

Leaving Your Dog

May 28, 2020

One of the silver linings of the pandemic and sheltering in place is that dog owners have been able to spend more time with their dogs. Unfortunately, owners will some day have to go back to work, and will experience separation anxiety from their dogs. There are plenty of ideas on how to transition dogs, but none on how to transition owners. Here are some ideas.

Install a videocam in your home so you can make visual contact anytime you want to see your dog. He can’t see you, but he is probably doing better than you.

Take a walk at lunchtime, and find someplace to go the bathroom…other than the curb.

Bring some toys to work, and try to get some of your colleagues to fetch. Maybe one of your colleagues would want his belly rubbed.

Reward yourself every time you do something well. Good boy!

Schedule a play date for yourself. You will probably need to relearn your socialization skills.

Have your dog take you to a people park. You can run free, and smell…never mind.

Schedule a few lunches with just you and the dog walker to get used to each other.

You Might be a President if…

May 19, 2020

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a President if…

you take hydroxychloroquine to prevent COVID-19

you recommend ingesting/injecting Lysol

you recommend hitting your insides with UV light

you refuse to wear a mask

you don’t socially distance

you encourage right-wing, militarily-armed protesters

you attack the CDC, the WHO, FEMA, the VA, the intelligence community, and the NIH

you attack Governors

you spread conspiracy theories about Barack Obama and Joe Biden

you insult and attack reporters

you accuse Democrats of trying to extend the pandemic for political purposes.

you declare victory over the pandemic, and move on.

you fire Inspectors General in the middle of a crisis to deflect criticism

you brag about your ratings

you accept no responsibility and take no blame