Poll Workers

May 16, 2021

Republicans have met the enemy, and it is us. The enemy is not white supremacists, or domestic terrorists, which is redundant. The enemy is not Russia, and it’s hack attacks on our infrastructure. The enemy isn’t even Jewish space lasers. As it turns out, the enemy is poll watchers. Republicans are signing into law heavy fines, felony charges and jail sentences for poll workers, who make errors or violate the rules. Poll workers may find themselves sharing a jail cell with drug dealers, and pedophiles like Matt Gaetz. The situation is so dire that Republicans will have to arm themselves with AK-47’s to protect the rest of us from the Democratic, AntiFa, Communist poll watchers of the radical left. I for one will sleep better at night knowing that Republicans are standing at the gate, protecting our right to free and fair elections.

No good deed goes unpunished. Poll workers are community-minder volunteers, who just want to help out. They are often senior citizens looking for something productive to do. Now they are being vilified as if they had been plotting their entire lives to throw the electoral process into chaos. Republicans, get real. They only thing we have to fear is fear itself…and you.