AOC

May 26, 2019

I find it amusing, if that is the right word, that the Trumpies have tired of Hillary and “lock her up,” and have moved on to other women to vilify. Now it’s Nancy and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez aka AOC. “There is just something about them I don’t like,” they will say. I wonder what that could be. The President of the United States has distributed doctored videos of Crazy (like a fox) Nancy. That alone should give you reason to pause. AOC has been dismissed as a bartender from the Bronx. You may not like her politics, and I certainly do not agree with all of her positions, but she is not the bimbo she is made out to be. In high school, she came in second in the Microbiology category of the Intel International Science and Engineering Fair with a microbiology research project on the effect of antioxidants on the lifespan of the nematode C. elegans. In a show of appreciation for her efforts, the MIT Lincoln Laboratory named a small asteroid after her: 23238 Ocasio-Cortez. She went on to Boston University, graduating Cum Laude with a degree in International Relations and Economics. That even threatens me. There are hateful memes all over the internet. I would say to men, “pick on someone your own size.”

What I Will Be Doing During the Democratic Presidential Debates

May 23, 2019

The Democratic debates begin in six weeks. Because of the number of candidates, they will be done in two tranches. Here are some of the things I’d rather be doing while they are going on.

1. Getting a colonoscopy

2. Getting a root canal

3. Binging on the entire “Game of Thrones” series

4. “Kondo’ing” my underwear drawer

5. Building anything

6. Learning new things to do with kale

7. Running a 5K

8. Shopping

9. Starting a new diet

10. Listening to Fox News

11. Working on my car

12. Going to a sports bar with small TV’s

13. Getting a head start on my 2019 tax returns

14. Being outsmarted by my smart TV.

15. Deleting “reply all” e-mails

16. Going to an Italian restaurant run by non-Italians

17. Getting stumped by the New York Times crossword puzzle

18. Being forced to listen to a totally lame spinning class playlist

19. Shanking my golf ball

20. Responding to Trump’s atrocities

Mandatory Abortion

May 20, 2019

After several decades of civil strife and legal litigation, the Supreme Court, by a five to four majority, has ruled that mandatory abortion is legal. It is now the law of the land. The government may make abortion mandatory if it determined that there is an overwhelming societal interest in doing so. It would be up to individual states to determine what that interest was. The decision cited China’s “one couple, one child” policy.

The government can no longer mandate that women must carry a fetus to birth. Just the opposite. The state can mandate that a woman terminate a pregnancy whenever it sees fit. The reasoning from the court came from previous case law where it was determined that the state could control a women’s reproductive system. In the opinion of experts, it was only a matter of time until the courts would use these precedents to say that, if the state could mandate a woman to give birth, it could also mandate that a woman not give birth.

Apparently, the right-to-lifers got hoist by their own petard. They now need to consider what their next move will be. Sources say that they may argue that the state has no right to infringe on the privacy and reproductive rights of women in any circumstance. This would not be ideal, but at least women would be free to have babies when they wanted to, or not have them. In other words, women would control their own bodies. Sadly, it may be too late.

Merit-Based Immigration

May 20, 2019

Harvard graduate, Jared Kushner, wants to model the immigration system after the admissions system at his alma mater. Immigration will be a merit-based system focused on skills, recommendations from prospective employers, command of a foreign language (English,) and extracurricular patriotic activities. This comes from a wealthy, privileged white guy, who ironically got admitted to Harvard through his family’s connections and wealth. Does anyone believe that Trump or the Trump children got into Wharton on their merit? And whatever happened to the party of family values? Where is Dan Quayle when you need him?

And what could go wrong with such a system? Just ask Lori Laughlin and Felicity Huffman. This will create a whole new cottage industry of advisors dedicated to getting people into the country by hook or crook. Skills and education will be falsified. Diplomas from the University of Norway will be generally available to any Norwegian with the financial wherewithal to pay. Headshots will be photoshopped onto the bodies of engineers. Recordings of applicants speaking English will be faked. Unscrupulous employers being paid under the table will claim they are hiring immigrants until no one is looking.

Shouldn’t we be concerned about immigrants taking our good-paying jobs? However, I am not opposed to having skills and experience being a factor in considering applications for immigration as long as we start with skills and experience being factors in being employed in the White House.

Abandon Ship

May 20, 2019

Justin Amash, Republican Congressman from Michigan, was taken to task by Donald Trump and Kevin McCarthy for asserting that Trump was guilty of obstruction of justice. All Amash was really saying was that he was not willing to go down with the Republican ship when we all know that Trump will be the first person in the lifeboat, pushing aside “women and children.” Trump no more cares about the Republican Party than I care about the New York Yankees. He has said publicly that he doesn’t care about the national deficit and debt because he will be long gone when the bills come due. Why can’t Republicans see what is obvious to many of us. Trump is an opportunist, not a Republican. He only believes in one thing, and it’s not “Yoko and me.”

Republicans have a simple choice. They can either mutiny against the captain, or abandon ship. Either way, they may have a chance of surviving. If they decide on false heroics and decide to go down with the ship, good luck because Donald Trump will be watching from his ocean view at Mar-a-Lago.

Congratulations, Alabama

May 15, 2019

Congratulations, Alabama

When you thought it couldn’t get any worse, Alabama has made the state a virtual laughing-stock except it is not funny. Alabama is the state that gave us an alleged pedophile as a Republican senatorial candidate. US News and World Report made Alabama the 49th worse state in the country to live in, outpacing Louisiana. The rankings were based on things like infrastructure, healthcare, education, and so on.

Now, Alabama’s Republican-controlled legislature has effectively outlawed abortion except in cases where the mother’s health may be endangered. There will be no exceptions for rape and incest, which is apparently okay in Alabama. This will obviously be challenged in the courts, and maybe the Supreme Court.

Clearly, the poor and minorities will be disproportionately affected. I presume these legislators have short memories when it come to back alleys and coat hangers. The American public overwhelmingly supports Roe vs. Wade. The Republican Party has no right-to-life. This is one more nail in its coffin.

Sleepy Joe

May 14, 2019

The start of the Democratic presidential debates are only six weeks away, but I would like to fast forward to the main event, Biden vs. Trump. After all, the one thing that all voters will be assessing will be how each candidate will do against the Don Rickles we have as a president. The polls suggest that Democratic voters believe that Biden has the best chance of beating Trump. Trump has been trying out the “Sleepy Joe” moniker in his focus groups that pass as campaign rallies. Here is the exchange I would like to see on the debate state.

Trump: “You don’t know what you are talking about, Sleepy Joe.”

Biden: “I am glad you brought up the “Sleepy Joe” thing, Mr. President. It didn’t take you very long. I find the “Sleepy Joe” nickname to be incredibly ironic given that, by most accounts, you spend the majority of your day in your pajamas in Executive Time watching Fox TV and Tweeting. You won’t release your tax returns. Let’s do this. Let’s release our daily planners, and see who is sleepy. I’ll bet you the election that my days as Vice President were infinitely busier and more productive than yours. Also, I keep myself in shape, and keep my weight under control. When you asked your doctor for a second opinion, he said “You’re fat.” It must be hard finding a golf cart big enough to move your morbidly obese body around the golf course. And, speaking of golf, everyone knows that you have spent a record amount of time at your resorts playing golf at tax payer expense. That sounds pretty lazy to me. So don’t refer to me as Sleepy Joe, Mr. President, unless you want me to call you fat and lazy. You may call me Mr. Vice President.

Ways I Don’t Want To Die

May 11, 2019

I will probably die of something, but here are the ways I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die…

1. On the toilet

2. Because I didn’t look both ways

3. Because I didn’t wash my hands

4. On the golf course

5. And receive a Darwin Award in the process

6. In bed

7. Getting out of bed

8. In a plane crash

9. In anyway that would cause someone to say “I told you so.”

10. Getting hit by a ball at Fenway Park

11. Getting hit by a golf club

12. In quicksand

13. From an allergic reaction

14. From Ebola, E. Coli, Scurvy, Ricketts, Leprosy, Measles, Etc.

15. From septic shock…whatever that is

16. On my birthday

17. Choking on a Big Mac

18. Being mistaken for someone else

19. In a mass shooting

20. Crossing the road to get to the other side.

21. Getting hit by an Acme anvil.

22. By being burned alive by a fire-breathing dragon

23. Laughing

24. In Charlotte’s web

25. In a traffic jam

26. From eating undercooked meat

27. By drowning in my bath tub

28. By getting hit by a bus I saw coming

29. While Donald Trump is still President