September 5, 2019
In his book, “Games People Play (1964),” Dr. Eric Berne describes human interaction as a series of transactions between parts of our egos defined as Parent, Adult, and Child. I find his analysis to be very useful in understanding the state of politics today, and the state-of-mind of our current President.
An Adult-to-Adult exchange involves the sharing of facts and observations. There is no hidden agenda tainted by past experiences as either a Parent or a Child. It is sober and unemotional. A constructive dialog involves an Adult comment followed by an equally Adult response. This is how we and, hopefully, our elected officials spend most of our time.
However, things go awry when an Adult comment is followed by an inappropriate response from either the Parent or the Child ego states. If one were to be criticized by a well-researched and fact-based article in the media, whether you agree with it or not, the appropriate Adult response would be to counter the argument with additional facts and observations, possibly giving the writer of the article more information and a better understanding than he had originally. An inappropriate response would be to call the writer names and question his integrity. This is something a Child would do. Labeling all disagreeable media as “fake” news is an example of this. Giving your political opponents pejorative nicknames is another example.
A Parent might make a different, and equally inappropriate response. He would criticize the writer, and scold him as a parent would do to a child. He would threaten to punish the writer. He would threaten to take away his privileges, and threaten him with corporal punishment. He would even threaten to send him to his room (jail.) There would be no discussion. He claims to be wiser and smarter than you, and it’s his way or the highway. The danger is that the Adult gets hooked by the Parent, and comes back with a Child-like response, making the Adult look equally as irresponsible.
Hillary Clinton tried to be an Adult, but came off as a Parent. She was the scold. She knew what was best for us, and wanted us to eat our vegetables. Donald Trump was the classic rebellious Child. I am not going to eat vegetables. I like fast food. “I’m not a puppet. You’re a puppet.” What Child has not wanted to lock up his Parents at one time or another? On stage, Trump acts out his Child-like tendencies, and the crowds, empowered to release their inner Childs, are more than eager to join in with the bad boy. It’s “Lord of the Flies.” In 2020, we need an Adult.