Predictions

September 9, 2020

Predictions are a dime a dozen so proceed at your own caution. Here are some of my predictions for November 4th, the day after Trump loses, and beyond.

There will be a nationwide shortage of respirators as Trumpworld and its adherents find themselves on life support. Unfortunately, Trump totally botched the response to the coronavirus including the stockpiling of respirators. It gives new meaning to being hoist by your own petard.

People who voted for Trump the first time will deny that they voted for him, or that they actually had voted for a third party candidate. They will say that they certainly didn’t vote for him a second time. You know they voted for him both times, and, for that, they should do penance.

Gun sales will skyrocket because you can’t have too many guns, and Biden will try to take away your guns.

Trump will say that the election was rigged. He will not promote a smooth transition of power, and will not attend the inauguration.

Trump’s promise of a vaccine by November 1st will turn out to have been a giant hoax. We will find ourselves months away from anything being safe and effective.

Trump’s payroll tax waivers for millions of Americans will come due, leading to another national crisis.

Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver, Trevor Noah et. al. will have nothing to talk about.

Golf will once again become a respected pastime.

Vladimir Putin will release the peepee tape.

Trump will be hounded by various parties regarding payments to porn stars, the skimming of inaugural funds, money laundering, tax fraud, and conflicts of interest. The Russians will call in their loans, forcing the Trump organization to declare bankruptcy… again.

The Trump family will be personae non gratis everywhere except the Midwest, forcing Trump to make good on a campaign promise to buy a farm in Iowa.

Mar-a-Lago will be forced to offer a no-initiation, fee plan for potential new members.

The Republican Party will cease to exist.