July 16, 2020
Captain Trump hit the coronavirus iceberg, and decided to do what failed captains are wont to do. He rearranged the deck chairs on his sinking ship. Blaming campaign manager Brad Parscale for the Tulsa fiasco, he moved him aside for another unwitting dupe. Parscale was just the entertainment director, who tried to keep the band playing while the electorate was abandoning ship. Trump thought there was no way he could sink the American ship, but, when he was warned that there was a pandemic coming, he shouted “full speed ahead.” He said their was nothing to see here, and that the iceberg would melt as soon as the weather got warmer.
The only question now is will Captain Trump jump into a lifeboat before women and children. Based on what we know about his attitudes towards groping women, caging children, and his willingness to send both into harms way, Trump will abandon ship and leave his followers to save themselves.
The Spin Doctor 